i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
