Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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