how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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