You smell like a Billy Joel song
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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