Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
