When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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