You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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