i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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