i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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