He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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