Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
