I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize