I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
