So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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