dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
