You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
