Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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