Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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