i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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