Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
