we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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