2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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