I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
