it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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