can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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