Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
