i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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