dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
