FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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