who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
