I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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