We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
