the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
