Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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