Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
