in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
