1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Be still, my beating vagina.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
