i permit you to call me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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