I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
