it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
