i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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