bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
