I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
