Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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