I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love having hate sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
