Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
