Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
