finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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