well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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