As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
