What did we do last night that was yellow?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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