So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
