Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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