So drunk its hurt
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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