Banned from zoo.
Again?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
