You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
