kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
