and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
