I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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