This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my liver is dry heaving
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
