i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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