He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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