hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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