but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
