Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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