anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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