U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she looked like the before picture.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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