How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
