She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
