I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize