you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
