So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
