in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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