Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
