i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
