he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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