the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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