Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
