i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
