And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
