Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
