It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
