Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
